Exciting and new

I was sitting at work today. I was in a lecture hall that was much larger than any lecture hall that I was ever in as a student--some 400 freshmen. Because of my voyeuristic tendencies, I find that when I'm in front of a group of that size, or any size actually, I peruse the crowd. Sitting in the front of a classroom, or any gathering of people, is prime peoplewatching. It's amazing what you see, really. People talking to their neighbors, others who are picking various caudal orifices, some who are sleeping, who brushed their hair that morning, and who looks like they just did the walk of shame getting to class. It's fascinating. Because I like to people watch I rarely ever look at the person who I am working with; my eyes constantly dart about seeing what there is to see.

It isn't too long before I've established my "favorites." Usually people who have something unusual that they don't realize they do, or they do realize they do but think they'll be lost in a sea of 399 other faces; or people that sleep; or people who wear the most incredibly tacky things; or people who have an intriguing or attractive look. Normally I'm not attracted to anyone under the age of early-to-mid-30s, but I can appreciate those who are younger who are attractive, as long as they keep their mouths shut.

One of my usual favorites, who is this cute young twinkie-jock and always dresses very stylishly, was talking to his neighbor before class. He opened his mouth to say something about his Frat, but those words were met with complete discordance in my mind. His frat? Really? Didn't strike me as the type, since when he spoke Judy Garland's purse just fell out of his mouth. So either he belongs to Lambda Lambda Lambda, or his Frat is incredibly progressive, or he is incredibly unaware/in denial of his sexuality.

Which got me to thinking.

The excitement of a beginning. A start down a path that is, in the words of the fabulous Love Boat theme, "exciting and new." Taking one's life in a direction that will satisfy a goal or lead to a personal realization. How fucking cool is that whole experience?

My own coming out experience was traumatic and angst-ridden; I'm not alone, I know. But it was a journey I wouldn't change for the world. Going to college and pursuing a career goal (after I finally figured out just what the hell I wanted to do) was just as exciting, though in a completely different way. Entering my training program and starting to actually focus on professional goals. All of these experiences, and many others, had such a feeling of "thrill" or "anticipation" that is not often experienced in day-to-day life. It's a feeling a kind of miss.

It's interesting since I'm actually coming up on another start. In about 7 months, I will be moving--again--to a new city and starting to finally set roots down, something I haven't done in quite some time since my life has been in flux for the last 8+ years. I *think* I'm excited. I want to be excited. It's a bit overshadowed by the fact that I have to pack and move, which is a big pain in the ass, but nonetheless, it will be good.

Exciting and new. Alpha and omega. Starting fresh, sort of. Scary; but I hope it will be as exciting as any major, new life experience.